Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
