I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
