Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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