i need an iv and a liver transplant
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Still dying that you shit outside
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
