Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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