He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
