Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
