is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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