Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
