So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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