You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
