my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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