It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
