I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
