also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
