its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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