There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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