I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
