I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
