i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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