Whod you bang
All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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