No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
