Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
