he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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