420 ftw
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
