are you so shy because you have an std?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
