Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
