What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I just gift wrapped bread.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
