btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
