Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
