i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
