the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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