in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
