I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
