i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
