census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
should my penis look like a turkey
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
