Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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