we have officially lost it.
so explain again why im purple
no
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
