I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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