If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
