Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
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