i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
