I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
