So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
