so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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