glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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