I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
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also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
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I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize