and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
