I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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