I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
She swung at the pinata with crutches
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
