1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
