i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
