the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
he just fucked me for my cheese..
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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