am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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