Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
