The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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