I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
