If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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