Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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