as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Two words: nipple clamps
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