Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
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Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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