What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
