Apparently you make a good broom.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
