You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
