I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Randomize
