So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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