Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
