it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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