This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I just want to make out with him forever
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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