my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
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why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
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Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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