I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
